I sat watching the England v. Italy match tonight with the same bated breath as everyone in the nation. And while I was captivated by the match I could not stop my mind from drifting to the same thing.
The rates of domestic violence increase by 38% when England lose the football. A win for England may save the lives of vulnerable men, women and children who are subjected to domestic violence. And a loss, may have a much bigger price than an Englishman’s dignity.
I was greatly disturbed by this information for so many reasons. But the main thing I kept coming back to is why are we allowing the football to be an excuse for domestic violence.
Because violence in any form against men, women or children regardless of its cause is completely unacceptable. Domestic violence is deadly, traumatising and has a life-long and wide-reaching impact.
The thing about domestic violence is that it can appear in many forms, but there is a common denominator in many cases which is that the perpetrator does not take responsibility for their actions. It is repetitive in nature and usually follows a cycle. Periods of quiet followed by an incident which is followed by a brief apologetic window and the cycle repeats and repeats. Over and over again.
All over the news and social media I have read and listened to people talk about the danger of England losing. The fits of rage that drunken men come home in which leads to outbursts of senseless violence. Women and children repeatedly used as punching bags. Physical, verbal, psychological or sexual. Over and over again.
I think the reason I found this so jarring was because it feels like to me that the football was being used as a way to explain the violence. But very few people seemed to manage to go the necessary step further and actually speak on ways that we should be protecting these women and children.
And crucially, how we need to be holding the abusers accountable for their behaviour. Because any domestic violence victim will tell you that if it wasn’t the football, it would be something else.
Abusers don’t wait for football. But they will happily use it as an excuse to justify their behaviour. To prevent themselves from taking responsibility. To provide the perfect cover story for violence.
And if we hand these excuses to them, if we don’t take the necessary actions to help women and children. And condemn this violence, then we are being complacent in the face of the possibility of an avoidable death.
It is not an excuse. Nothing is. There is literally not a single excuse that can or will ever justify domestic violence. And you cannot convince me otherwise.
These men, women and children deserve better. They deserve actual help. Not excuses handed to their abusers on a silver platter. And we are in the position to help them. More than you realise.
Be on alert. Make help accessible. We have to do better. Much better.
— Liora
England:
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 or email helpline@refuge.org.uk. Emergency services: 999
United States: the hotline.org 1.800.799.7233 Emergency services: 911
Liora Resnick 